Dress Code

Hi,


This was sent to me by a good friend:


You are advised to come to work dressed according to yoursalary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Guccibag, we will assume you are doing well financially and thereforedo not need a raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your moneybetter, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you donot need a raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be andtherefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof ofsickness. If you are able to go to the doctor; you are able tocome to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They arecalled Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can dofor dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort shouldbe made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary; thefuneral should be scheduled in The late afternoon. We will beglad to allow you to work through your lunch hour andsubsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There isnow a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the endof three minutes, and alarm will sound, the toilet paper rollwill retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will betaken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on thecompany bulletin board under he "Chronic Offenders" category.Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under thecompany's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eatmore, so that they can look healthy.Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balancedmeal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink aSlim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here toprovide a positive employment experience. Therefore, allquestions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations,accusations, contemplation's, consternation and input should bedirected elsewhere.
Looks like a set of rules for the self employed. Want to coment?